He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
