I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
