Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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