She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize