I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
