why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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