Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I won the penis lottery.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
