ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
