I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
