Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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