just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
