Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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