Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
