So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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