have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
