i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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