My pussy is not your playground.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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