Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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