he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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