If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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