Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
