I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
