I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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