sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
