cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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