worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
