YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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