I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
