break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
