you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the raccoons are back...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
