While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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