Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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