i permit you to call me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
