I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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