and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
