I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
