I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
