If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
