Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
