Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
