It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
