i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize