dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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