Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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