my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
