the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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