You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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