I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
