I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The beer is more important than you right now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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