Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
