your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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