My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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