I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
