giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
