i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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