I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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