yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
