I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
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You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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