they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
