Do vagina's smell?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
