I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
