Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
