her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
