My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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