You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
