I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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