maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
