We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
